Last night, I took a chance. But mine pales in comparison with the chances our children take every day at school. I decided to try to do something I had never done before, something that I had no expectation of being able to accomplish. Our children are faced with this day after day at school, as they take on new challenges, ones they’ve never tried before, and for which they have no experience telling them they’ll be any good at all. For those of us who have been pretty successful at life, it’s hard to remember what that feels like, and it’s a good reminder to give it a try every now and them.
Our children come to school each day to face wondrous challenges, which can also be daunting. Whether it’s analyzing a new poetic structure, thinking about a new letter and all the ways it is used, balancing a chemical equation, learning how to play a new song in strings, or any number of other frighteningly exciting new experiences, we expect our children to stand tall and conquer. As the adults in their lives, I wonder how often we have that same experience. We’ve spent a lifetime of building a sense of ourselves and our competencies and, for the most part, we live quite comfortably in a world that doesn’t ask us to do something we are not sure we can do.
So, what was it that put me in the frame of mind to think about how our children face new challenges, ones they are unsure they can meet, every day? It was Pilates. If you give me a task that involves my mind, I’m pretty sure I’ll succeed. But if you give me a physical challenge, I’m much less certain. This means that I tend toward the cerebral in life, and sometimes avoid the physical. But having met with parents to discuss the book, The Genius in Children, this afternoon, a book that focuses on helping children bring out their true selves, I felt I needed to experience some of the scariness that our children face every day. For me, that meant something physical.
You’ll be glad to know that I survived the experience and, in fact, felt somewhat successful. My instructor didn’t try to gloss over my mistakes to make me feel a sense of self-esteem, but rather clearly articulated where I was lacking and what I needed to do to improve. She reminded me that I was going to feel so much better once I really “got it.” She praised the things I did right while not being shy about letting me know what the next step was. This seemed to me to be a fantastic metaphor for what happens in a classroom. The teacher helps the child see both what (s)he is doing right and what (s)he needs to work on.
My advice to parents who want to help their children is to take on something they don’t know they’ll be successful at. Let your children know you are challenging yourself. Let them know how unsure of yourself you are (will others laugh at you because you aren’t as good as them, will you have the right clothes, will you even be able to do the whole task, etc?). And if you don’t succeed the first time, share that, too. But most importantly, share how you stuck with it (you will stick with it, right?) until you “got it.” Let them know that they are not alone as they conquer new tasks or ideas. And who knows, you may expand your own horizons in the process!
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